He remembered nothing. Pain is all he knew and all he was feeling. His whole body ached terribly, and his head hurt him so much. He sat on the garden bench with his father. Snow now falling heavily on them both. Neither of them moved. The snow made no sound as it fell. It was covering the ground as well as the two men, sitting, just waiting. The world was turning white around them. It felt as if all sound had been silenced. Turned off. The quietness was comforting to him in a strange, and unclear way. The evening remained totally silent. The boy considered quietly to himself how he thought he could hear each snowflake as it hit the ground. But he was unsure. A soft rustle as each one nestled itself in with the millions and millions, billions even, that had already fallen. Interlocking so precisely.
The boys’ eyes flickered ever so slightly as he watched the flakes fall. He saw the intricate detail of each and every one. The moonlight reflecting off them ever so slightly. Colours almost blinding to him as they fell in the limited light. All their individual and magnificent shapes in sharp detail. He became aware of his breath making clouds in the cold air in front of him. Clouds of breath which were looking thick and dense like smoke and then moments later, dissipating in the cold air. He was breathing deeply. In through his nose, and out through his mouth. It was rhythmic, but why? He sensed something very uncertain, like he was somehow under instruction, but he could not recall what. Why was he breathing like this?
His neck ached terribly as he tried to turn to look at his father sitting quietly at the side of him. His father looked almost comical as the snow sat in heaps on the top of the hat and its wide brim that covering his head and sheltered his face. The snow was also building up on his shoulders. He did not move. The boy was becoming aware that his father’s arm was wrapped around his own shoulders, pulling him close. He felt a sense of warmth and calm as he sat there. A familiar comfort. He felt safe. He did not know where he was, or why he was there. The boy then became aware of a tear that had run down his father’s cheek and frozen over in the cold. Glistening in the same moonlight he saw reflected in the snowflakes. He saw the colours, almost rainbow like in that tear. He saw the furrowed brow and creases around his eyes. The boy thought how old his father looked at that moment.
He was trying to understand why all this was happening, but thoughts did not come to him. He could not form the questions in his mind, though he sensed it was something to do with him. He wanted to say something, but no words came. Why could he not speak? He could not remember how to form the words or bring to mind which words to use. His mind was racing, trying to recognise where he was. And why he was there. He felt a worsening pain in his chest as he became increasingly anxious. Why could he not make sense of it all?.
The boys’ eyes moved slowly around the scene in front of him. Everywhere was white. Everywhere that is, except for an area not too far in front of him that had a deep impression in the snow and the green of the grass was still showing through. Almost, he thought, as if something the size of his own body had been lifted from that place. A place that had not yet been fully covered by the falling snow.
A blinding light suddenly passed before his eyes. A pain deep inside his head began. He realised that he knew this pain, he had become very familiar with it. He hated it. It was building so much more than that which he was already feeling as he sat there. The pain grew in intensity, and he could sense he was groaning involuntary. His vision went black. He could see nothing; he could feel nothing. Nothing but this now agonising pain in his head. Spreading once again throughout his body. Such pain in his eyes. He wanted to pull his hands to his head. To hold it, as if that act would ease the pain as his head was in the palms of his hands. He could not make his hands or arms move. He felt sick. He felt as if his mouth was filling with sand. Choking him. He could not breath. His chest was thumping faster and faster until it too ached. His head hurt so much, and he could not feel his body at all. The pain grew. He involuntarily held his breath. Choking on the sensation of sand in his mouth. His whole body began to ache as if some invisible force was crushing him.
Then suddenly everything stopped …
