A day in the life … – Page 2 – The Resilient Gardener

Early days in the new year …

As a new writer, an author, they say I can now call myself! Inspiration and encouragement come from all areas. Not least, life itself, as well as other stories and genres. People who encourage each other and constructively support our aims.

When an author encourages your writing, or a gardener encourages your gardening, they all make your efforts feel so worthwhile.

My first completed read this year – though started last year – is ‘Found’. Written by Lesli Weber.

‘Found’ is a compelling, original novel that explores complex themes through an intelligent science-fiction narrative. Avoiding typical genre clichés, the story uses an extraterrestrial perspective to examine human nature in fresh ways. As a debut, it impresses with creativity and depth, marking Lesli as a promising new voice. I found both the plot and characters memorable and would recommend this book to anyone seeking thoughtful, well-crafted science fiction. I look forward to the next instalment and believe this story would adapt well to film.

The narrative’s pacing is finely judged, balancing moments of high tension with quieter, contemplative scenes that linger in the mind. Lesli’s prose is both accessible and lyrical, drawing readers into a world that feels at once alien and strangely familiar. Altogether, ‘Found’ stands out as a significant contribution to the genre, offering much to ponder long after the final page is turned.

I am looking forward to reading more from Lesli and understand that her next book, ‘The Song of the Butterflies’, is due for release later this year.

Multiple Smiley’s …

This picture is not very inspiring, yet it is so important to us, and to our son, Marc. We record each day the use of the smiley image to help him understand his emotions as we navigate the day with him. Each morning, as we help him up from bed, we talk about how he feels, and based on what he says, we choose a smiley together to illustrate those feelings. In my book, Marc’s Garden, I wrote about how the speech and language therapist asked him, “What makes you happy?” Marc could not explain what did, as he could not relate to what the word ‘Happy’ means to him.

I took this situation and worked out a way to help him. Today, a smiley symbolises safety, contentment, and familiarity. When we look back at the end of the day, we talk about how he awoke in the morning, and felt … Happy!

Of course, we also use other smiley symbols, unhappy, angry, silent, rage, to help him understand those emotions too. It reminds me how lucky I am that I can understand how I feel, but how sad it makes me feel that Marc cannot do so. Together, we find a way, and as this week’s chart captures, he has experienced Christmas with a precious smile.

Thank you so much to all those who have responded to my last post, your support, encouragement and friendship mean so much to us. Have a lovely day and a happy end to the year.

Merry Christmas, Everyone …

In the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, my thoughts keep returning to the greatest gift I’ve received this year. The gift of your friendship.

Thank you for standing by my family and me through every high and low we experience, for the laughter that made the good days better, and for the support that made the hard days bearable.

Thank you all for being there, some real, some virtual. Some existing and some new, those who may have just passed by, maybe saying ‘hi’, but all of you are valuable and treasured friends.

Christmas is always a time for reflection and gratitude, and I am so profoundly grateful to have you in my life. May your holiday be as warm, bright, and wonderful as the light you have brought to us.

Here’s to a season of peace and to 2026, filled collectively with even more shared memories, good health, happiness, and prosperity—also, my promise to engage far more regularly than in this current year.

Merry Christmas from us all, here in our Fraser home.

Paul, Mags & Marc

C.A.R.E. …

My book is not intended as an instructional manual, but a true and at times raw story of what it is like living with a family member who has multiple and complex disabilities. I have covered a number of interventions we use, including this one, but real awareness comes from understanding what it means to live with them. I invite you to read my story and share what you learn from it.

I like to share this and other messages of support and essential action periodically to help society understand what to do if we come into contact with someone having a seizure.

They are not monsters, they are not possessed, and they are not to be used as a subject for filming and ridicule. They need you awareness, understanding and support.

CARE is an acronym for basic actions you can take to help them.

C – Comfort

Cushion their head with something soft, to protect them from injury and keep them comfortable

A – Action

Start to time the seizure, and clear the area of anything that might be harmful. You could also check if the person has a medical ID or bracelet with more information on how to help

R – Reassure

When the seizure has stopped, place them in the recovery position, stay with them and reassure them as they come round

E – Emergency

Call Emergency services if:

the seizure continues for more than 5 minutes
the person is not regaining consciousness
the person goes straight into another seizure
the person has trouble breathing after the seizure
the person has never had a seizure before

Thank you.

All Hallows Eve …

All Hallows eve, an exciting time for many. Children will dress up, as will their parents in costumes that incite a little fear in those who see them. Knocking upon the doors of neighbours and daringly calling out, “Trick or Treat” to the people opening the door. Of course, always hoping for a treat to be offered.

There are those who are unable to embrace these festivities. Like my son, with severe autism among his many health conditions, the sound of an unexpected knock on the front door injects fear in him. It is unexpected and unprepared for. A person standing on the threshold looking like those evil entities which have risen from their graves, is impossible for him to accept as a fun encounter.

Anxiety, confusion, and blind terror all consume him. A meltdown will surely follow and takes some skill and patience to help him recover from it.

I have written about this experience and other examples of raising a child with additional needs in my book, Marc’s Garden.

Christmas is coming …

I wondered whether I should share this picture or not. Those who follow our story will understand the challenges we have faced, encouraging Marc to re-engage with the world following the lockdown. It has been a few years now, but the challenges remain.

The story behind this image is that we did manage to encourage him to go on a short break to the Lake District, a place he knows well. Fortuitously, there was also a Christmas display on – and you know how much we enjoy Christmas – and so we took advantage and visited.

Sadly, our short break became even shorter as seizures savaged Marc. The frequency and ferocity of the attacks demanded that we be at home and near the facilities of hospitals and doctors, in case there was no improvement.

Marc has no knowledge of this visit. His mind has been wiped clear. We took the picture so we can talk to him about what he has achieved. If you look closely at his eyes, you will see that he is still coming out of a seizure that cleared his memory. It is not easy for him. It is not easy for us. I eventually decided to share this picture because it should have been a happy time, and I also wanted to share it with those who may feel alone, as we do, and think that nobody understands what they are going through. We do, we are, and we want you to know that you are not alone and you are doing a great job.

Keep trying, sometimes you will have success, sometimes you won’t. Next time, you may have the success that stimulates the minds of those you care for, and as I always say, share what success you have; share also what doesn’t work out. We all learn from those experiences.

You can read more of our story and the journey we have been on in my book, Marc’s Garden. Available in paperback and as an e-book.

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The darkness …

Scare yourself at least once a day, they say. It’s good for you. From Casper to Marley, even the more mercurial ghost of Christmas future. Beetlejuice, the Nazgul and Balrog. We all like a little of the scarier side of life. A writer will even enrich their story by embracing their own darkness and weaving their words around the emotional fallout that follows.

Samhain has been celebrated in Britain for centuries and originates from Pagan Celtic traditions. It was the time of year when the boundaries between this world and the otherworld are believed to be thinnest. The spirits of the dead can easily mingle with the living once again.

When Christians adopted this festival, it was called All Hallows’ Eve, now Halloween, followed by All Saints’ Day, although it still retained elements of remembering and honouring the dead.

Loved ones who have recently died are remembered, and their spirits are often invited to join the living in a celebratory feast.

Not only did the Celts believe that the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead dissolved on this night, but they also believed that the presence of spirits aided their priests in making predictions.

Every October 31st, the celebration of All Hallows’ Eve, which lasts late into the evening, is now more commonly known as Halloween. Households hand out sweets to children at the call of “trick or treat”. Groups of friends will find trails, houses, and theme parks that advertise “spooky” or “haunted” and see who is brave enough to enter.

Jack-o’-lanterns often sit on porches as little works of carved pumpkin art. Families will use cobwebs as decorations instead of using brooms to clear them. Blood, skeletons, and screams are in abundance …

Sleep well on that night ….

It has started …

Many of you will have followed my story and that of my family, particularly my son. Living with severe autism, among other conditions, a strict routine is vital for him.

That routine is not simply doing the same thing, but it also stretches to include, environmental decoration, layout and even seasonal changes.

Maybe once, we would have displayed our Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, creating that magical change to our environment in readiness and welcome for the arrival of Santa through the night. But our son finds this sudden change so distressing. His mind cannot process something like that easily. We learned over the years that the reason our son was withdrawn and unhappy on Christmas day (and indeed other days of celebration) was due to his inability to accept changes and surprises.

We learned to introduce the changes gradually and subtly, explaining what we are doing all the time in order to help him, if not fully understand, but to accept the changes without his usual distress.

Christmas starts in September for us with the introduction of something new to add to our eclectic mix. This year, the longhorn on a gift carrying sleigh worked a treat.

Another opportunity to smile 🙂

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Seasonal change …

Do you remember the days. The days before health & Safety decided that playing conkers was unsafe.

We would scour the trees and the ground beneath them for the spiky shells containing those beautiful brown centres that as children we knew that after soaking them in vinegar and then warming them in an oven, would harden them. We could then drill a fine hole in them, and thread a piece of string through the centre. With careful aim, we could become champions.

Today, we save our knuckles from the inevitable pain, and instead, we collect them and polish them and use them decoratively around our home.

And of course, we use them to pile in the corners of each room to deter the invasion of spiders. All of whom have decided to come indoors now the temperature is falling.

I don’t think it works!

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Sometimes, magic happens …

The garden is a sanctuary for me. It always offers something that requires attention, drawing my mind away from a crisis. It provides aspects I can use to help Marc overcome his rage and pain.

Watching your son be overwhelmed by the ferocity of a seizure is heartbreaking. If only I could reach into his mind and take it out, putting it in my own to endure instead of him. All I can do is stand in the garden and scream into the wind and rain, letting them wash away my tears of frustration and anger caused by my feeling of helplessness.

And yet, when his pain passes, it is replaced by a rage so intense that his self-awareness recalls what has just happened. Pleading with me to make it stop, but not understanding why I cannot. The garden waits patiently for me to realise what it has quietly delivered, and only it knows the secret and magic of what it has given.

In this instance, a single rose bloom—a colour that Marc finds soothing, putting him at ease as his tensions fade away. This rose was one he and I propagated together, cutting the stem and placing it in a pot to root. We waited two or more years, and honestly, we had forgotten about it, keeping it in its pot and pushing it to the back of our neglected garden—two years, maybe three, with nothing happening. Then, on this day when his pain was so intense and there was nowhere else to turn, his keen eyes noticed the colour. His mind sharpened, his tears, and mine, dried up, and curiosity took hold of his heart.

Bringing the pot forward, we looked, we touched, we breathed in the fragrance.

We smiled!